acatalepsy_logs | (no subject)

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Who: Bucky Barnes and you, probably.
Where: Around the temple
When: A few days after his arrival.
Rating G, probably
What: Exploring and getting used to people?

This place is new. That in itself is not surprising, most places he's seen these days are new, at least to him -- save for perhaps certain eastern European or Asian nations. It doesn't look new, but that doesn't bother Bucky any. He's laid low since arriving a few days ago, on the lookout for anyone he might know, or that might know him. He is less of a target, here, his magic serving to helpfully cover up that silver left arm of his, but he is still clearly recognizable as a soldier. Or ex-military, depending on the clothes he's wearing that day.

Thankfully, this new place doesn't seem to have any HYDRA operatives or other enemies that he's been able to see, so he has ventured out to look around the temple. He can be found wandering throughout the day, either poking around the temple or kitchens -- but generally he's somewhere around the fighting ring. It's familiar, even if it's not entirely necessary at the moment. (He has come to appreciate lying low, the past few months. It's a luxury rarely afforded to him.) After watching some people spar, he steps up to the ring himself, setting in to fight one or more of the dummies.

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Steve is too tired to train. Crazy as it sounds, his sickness is eating away at his strength. He just needs to catch his breath so he doesn't pass out on the floor. Again. Right now he's in the kitchen nursing some coffee and soup. It tastes weird together, but the warmth is doing him some good. He sees Bucky out of the corner of his eye, but pays it no mind. He's sick. To be fair, he sees things even when he isn't sick. The past is less a memory than a living thing that keeps creeping up on him.

Being sick inevitably makes him think of Bucky. What disturbs Steve is when he looks up again and the man is still there. He isn't the Bucky of the 40s even if he has both arms. The hair is too long. No, he's getting confused. He makes an effort to hold his coffee steady and not drop it to check his head. He is sporting a slight fever, but Steve didn't think it was this bad. He never was the best judge though as Bucky may or may not remember.

"Wake up, Rogers." He says to himself. Steve can't tear his eyes away even if this can't be healthy to stare at what you think is your hallucinated bff who tried to kill you recently.

Bucky can’t tear his eyes away, either; though he looks more uncertain rather than like he’s seen a ghost. Steve looks different, too, more like he remembers from long ago, but still big. He can’t turn away. Doesn’t want to, really, not when Steve looks like that. He needs to be watched over. Steve has always been his original mission. He takes a careful step forward, not sure if this is real himself.

“You’re here?” It’s not quite a question, but he does want to make sure this isn’t a hallucination.

He doesn't disappear. He doesn't disappear. He doesn't disappear. This is the point where the panic sets in. Either he's much worse than he thought or somehow Bucky is here. He has his arm back? That part isn't too weird based on what he's seen, but the presence of this man unnerves him. The last time they saw each other was brutal in every sense of the word. His hunt for Bucky has not gone well as of late considering he had to temporarily hand it over to Sam so he can secure the scepter. Now the man is in front of him like it's nothing. It wounds him pretty deeply even if he's not ready to articulate why. "I was going to ask you the same thing."

He has to ask even while facing a ghost. "You're not running?"

He doesn't like unnerving Steve. He can tell that something is wrong -- not sure what yet, but maybe he's done something wrong already. He'd been doing alright until the sight of Steve, apparently not feeling well, set off alarm bells in his brain. He hesitates upon answering. He's seen no signs of HYDRA, nothing suspicious other than being suddenly transported somewhere else and having a bit of magic, so there's nothing to run from. He shouldn't run from his mission. Friend. Top priority.

"Not from you." He really means 'not if you're here', he knows in his bones he should keep an eye on Steve, but all these jumbled memories are making it a little hard to concentrate. There is, however, one more important issue.

"You're sick." It's almost accusatory. What did you do this time, Stevie?

"You were running from HYDRA?" Steve asks. It's hard to concentrate when he feels so cruddy. He's definitely out of practice in living with illness. He follows up, "Did you know I was trying to find you?" Steve makes it sound like an accusation too because well it is. Why not let him catch up? Why the games?

Steve knows he owes him an answer if only because Bucky won't let it go if he really is himself. "She messed with the serum. I can get sick again."

“Yes.” It’s an answer to both, and he has the good grace to look at least slightly sheepish when he answers. It was easy to know that Steve had been looking for him, he’s not exactly subtle. (Natasha could vouch for that.) “I ...needed to know what was real.” Time, mostly, was what he had needed. Time to look into what little there was remaining of his past, to sort out mixed up and stolen memories, to figure out what was truths and what was lies.

He looks disapproving at the news Steve gives him next, scowling. “That’s not fair. What gives her the right?” It also means he’s going to be sticking to Steve like Velcro, which neither of them will probably mind.

It's impossible not to be hurt by that. Steve knows on some level he was always a bad choice to be chasing after Bucky. He liked to think he wasn't actively avoiding him. The explanation that follows does a lot to soften the blow. Steve finds himself nodding in response to that. He can understand being left behind considering Bucky needed time to put himself together by his own admission. Just like that their conflict is over. The one between him and Astoria? Not so much.

He doesn't even hide his anger. "Nothing gives her the right, Buck. She's a kidnapper who dumps us places and then gets surprised when we bring something back with us. If she left the serum alone or made any effort to protect us from what as on that planet, we wouldn't have this problem."

"I'm sorry." It's -- awkward-sounding. He probably hasn't apologized to much of anyone since mostly returning to himself, but Steve at least deserves this. There's a slight pause, and he adds "--HYDRA was running from me, mostly." He's just going to leave it at that, Steve can probably infer what went on there.

"No one's done anything about it yet?" He may still be getting used to people, to being out in the world again, but he can still be outraged on other's behalf. He doesn't mind his own kidnapping so much, he's had worse happen to him, but Steve doesn't deserve this. Neither does anyone else here.

He can infer alright. Steve can't even pretend to be surprised. They sent him to murder his best friend. If Bucky remembered even a shred of their lives together, he'd react poorly to the news. From the sounds of it, he's got a baseline if nothing else. Steve looks concerned, but doesn't press the issue.

He shakes his head at the rest. "No, they actually like her. I think it's a cult thing." The bitterness is impossible to miss. He hates her; thinks she irresponsible and careless with the people she kidnaps to serve her cause. He'd be happy to tell her in person if he ever did see her.

He remembers more than a shred. Not everything, not yet, but being around Steve might shake loose some of those memories. Steve is right to look concerned, but in Bucky’s opinion HYDRA deserves what they got. Over 50 years of brainwashing will do that, probably.

“I’ve only been here a couple days.” He has no opinion, so far, but he can’t say he exactly likes this situation. For a little while, it might be alright. Better than running. “What’s she want us to do?”

"Help people from what I can tell. It's not that different from what I do back home or what we did back in the day. The problem is I don't remember signing up. Do you?" That was the rub. The issues keep piling up for Steve, of course. It's not enough she messed with their bodies or won't allow them to leave at will. She doesn't even respect them enough to give them the choice to go to the places that need their help. She just dumps them there. It's an awful thing to do in his opinion.

"No." He doesn't remember much, these days. But being 'volunteered' for such an experience tends to rub him the wrong way, too, and his expression deepens into a frown.

"I don't like it," he offers. "Maybe other people don't, either." If it's the kind of help Steve offers, he might be convinced to somewhat trust this place. If it's more alum the lines of HYDRA's 'help', then....well, words would be had. He also doesn't like that you're sick, Steve, and he steps a bit closer.

"How long have you been sick?"

He shakes his head. "I wish I knew they didn't. This place makes me feel crazy for being angry at her." Steve honestly doesn't know if anyone shares these feelings. Maybe he should be polling people to see what the public actually thinks about what is going on here. That's a crazy thought for another time. Bucky is getting closer and while his guard is raised so are his hopes. Steve misses his best friend.

"A couple days. It's not so bad compared to how sick I used to get. I guess I'm just out of practice." He can really feel it rather than power his way through.

He's still getting closer. If he doesn't see any reason to retreat, he likely won't. Steve, he knows, has a lot of the answers he's been looking for.

"Yeah, but you're still sick." He crosses his arms, obstinate. "Whatever this is, it's gotta be strong if it's got you feelin' it." He knows that much. If he's anything along the lines of Steve's level of super-soldier, he knows exactly how much it takes to get him sick. (What he doesn't realize, of course, is that his own abilities have been limited here as well.)

Steve frowns deeply. He never could get anything past Buck. He starts elaborating. "Akira mentioned something about darkness on us. We came in with something from that world. That might be what's messing with me." The kind of thing no one can protect him from. If this is the man he loved and called brother that is not going to go over well.

That frown gets a little more pronounced. “Well, can ya get it off?” Or does he have to take drastic measures? He won’t hesitate to punch a goddess if he has to. “I don’t—“ he hesitates a little, finally stepping forward enough to gingerly set a hand on Steve’s shoulder.

“Nothing’s supposed to happen to you.”

"I don't know, Buck. I'm in over my head." Steve confesses frankly. He might have left it there if not for Bucky laying a hand on his shoulder. That breaks something in him along with that line. Nothing is supposed to happen to him, huh? God he wishes that were true.

His eyes well up with tears. He doesn't cry as always. It still hurts. "Things have already happened. I can't... I can't change them. I can't change what they made you do." He wants to apologize for it, but that seems hollow. It won't undo anyone's pain.

“I’m not asking you to.” He gives a brief, lopsided shrug. “I still did them.” He’s not asking for any apologies; though maybe he should be looking for forgiveness from himself. That’s a long time coming, it’s doubtful it’ll happen any time soon.

“Don’t blame yourself, huh? It’s not your fault.” If anything, Bucky considers it his own fault. He’s not about to say that out loud, though Steve can probably guess it.

"I don't see how." Steve confesses frankly. It's time to finally say out loud to his best friend what he's been hurting about since the day he fell. "I didn't kill my guy. If I had done my job, we wouldn't be in this mess." Because he's the bad guy for not wanting to murder every man working for Schmidt obviously.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he replies again, firmly. “I coulda fallen off anyway. I was prepared to not come back, you know everyone was.” Even Steve, clearly. It was a war, they knew what they were in for. It just hadn’t ended the way either of them expected.

"I know that." He does. Steve has spent every waking moment since the fall blaming himself. He doesn't know how to let go of the guilt. He definitely is struggling with the fact Bucky doesn't blame him. He swallows thickly as he explains, "I want it to be different. I want to take it back."

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