acatamods. (
acatamods) wrote in
acatalepsy_logs2018-09-19 08:25 pm
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Entry tags:
- !event,
- !mod,
- detroit: become human: connor,
- detroit: become human: hank anderson,
- digimon adventure tri: takeru takaishi,
- drakengard 3: zero,
- fate: mordred,
- final fantasy vii: aerith gainsborough,
- final fantasy xiv: alisaie leveilleur,
- final fantasy xiv: alphinaud leveilleur,
- final fantasy xiv: arenvald lentinus,
- final fantasy xv: prompto argentum,
- fire emblem: lucina,
- fullmetal alchemist: maes hughes,
- fullmetal alchemist: roy mustang,
- jinba: konoha,
- nier: 2b,
- nier: a2,
- nier: brother nier,
- nier: emil,
- nier: kainé,
- nier: number 4,
- original character: daylight vis lornlit,
- persona 3: minato arisato,
- persona 5: akira kurusu,
- persona 5: ann takamaki,
- tales of xillia 2: ludger kresnik,
- tokyo xanadu: kou tokisaka,
- voltron: hunk,
- voltron: takashi "shiro" shirogane
( the sickness: phase two )
![]() ![]() the sickness ends. the temple. The Temple, shortly after Astoria's burst of energy, is in a constant state of growth. Trees are bursting into existence from seeds in mere seconds, flowers are growing wherever magic lands . . . and the Temple is abruptly a-buzz with energy, magic crackling throughout the air. You may find a tree in your house, or flowers suddenly growing along the walls, or plants wiggling their way through the stone walls of the buildings of the Temple. All of a sudden, the place looks very overgrown. ![]() lake dona. Lake Dona is a massive body of water, stretching outward for so far that it almost seems like an ocean until you see that the water is fresh. It is surrounded by long, leafy trees that dip into the water and has a variety of ancient ruins scattered around it -- weathered stones set into circles at seemingly even intervals, old buildings that seem to mirror the Temple in construct. |
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[Hank stares, thinking about it, watching him sit.]
Must of really done a number on you, didn't I.
I'm... I'm sorry, I just...
[He sighs, gives his head a little shake, then moves over just close enough to grab the bottle, moving back again to slide down against the wall about three or four feet away from Connor.]
How about you keep talking, okay? Not necessarily about that, just... Anything. What you did today, the witch's weird announcement this morning, whatever. It's not like I can test you for a concussion or anything but I'm not really happy with those complete sentences yet, give me a few I can make sense of and maybe we'll figure out whether I broke you with my bullshit feelings cooties.
[God. That's really what it is, isn't it? This is what Hank does now. That seems like a good thought to chug a little moonshine on so he does, grimacing and making a little kind of pained, mostly disgusted noise as it burns its way down.]
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It was a mistake, I shouldn’t have asked you to do it.
[But they’d verified something, if nothing else. Definitely Hank’s power, even if Connor had to let something like that snake through his insides first.]
And I’m not broken. [Still said with an automatic immediacy, no matter the context.] You need to stop saying that about me, Lieutenant.
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Do I say that?
[His tone could be confrontational, there. Probably would, any other day. Right now it's not.]
I don't really think about it. Didn't know it bothered you.
[But if he had known, he would absolutely have said it more. In the light of day - or the light of whatever this great new experience right now is - it's clear how shitty and petty and small that is, and he takes a quick drink to wash the taste out, then finds himself going on, sounding tired.]
I shouldn't say shit like that. You're just- You're just a machine. You're just doing what you're designed to do. You shouldn't pay any attention to some stupid old asshole taking digs at that.
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[For the first time since sitting, Connor glances up at Hank. Judges his expression, trying to wrangle calculations into lining up properly in his head again.
You're just a machine. You're just doing what you're designed to do.]
...You're right, though, Lieutenant. These brushes with emotion have all been grounded in someone else's experiences. Not my own.
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Yeah. You can go right back to your normal processing whatever, if you're feeling better. There're no errors in your software. Just me. And now that we've got the problem figured out, you don't have to worry about that.
[Hank tilts his head back, staring at the ceiling and trying to catalogue all the things he should be feeling. Temperature, probably - of the floor, the air. All the cuts and bruises. The bottle in his hands. Probably other shit. The longer this goes on, maybe the more there'll be that he starts forgetting. He swallows. His voice is careful, still; kind, if you overlook those hints of whatever else might be floating around there in it.]
You're okay, Connor. You're gonna be just fine.
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He latches on to Hank’s word’s, wanting to believe them and experiencing something strangely, frustratingly dissatisfying upon hearing them. An unease that runs deep along the grooves of something that’s been carved into him, after all this time.]
...it will take a moment to fully recover. But thank you, Lieutenant.
[For saying he’ll be fine. Let him pivot around that notion for as long as it’ll hold his weight. Slough off uncertainty.
Silence. Then he offers, maybe uselessly—]
Your... sense of touch will return, in time. It’s already happening to those experiencing similar problems here.
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God, I hope so.
[He looks down at the bottle, making sure his hands are in the right places to hold it, and takes another drink. It washes the raw vulnerability out of his voice.]
Take all the moments you want, Connor. Just leave the door open a little when you go, okay? Sumo'll probably want to come in in a while.
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The weight of his clothes, his hair. Right, still damp.]
It will, I'm certain. The sickness is fading away, and with it, all of its side-effects.
[Silence again, then-]
Your power, you're going to have to learn how to control it.
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It's like being the shittiest X-Man ever.
[He wants some sort of gesture, some little fidget to keep his hands busy, but of course right now there's no point. So he looks down at the bottle, watching himself roll its bottom edge in a circle along the floor and listening to the noise it makes.]
What do you want me to do, Connor? I'm not gonna experiment on people. I mean- [He gestures toward Connor, eyebrows raised, pointedly.] Even if human experimentation wasn't massively, incredibly illegal, I'm not gonna... inflict me on someone just so I can figure out how it works. I just... I'll just stop touching anyone.
[He clears his throat over the wobble that snuck into those last couple words, pulling a wry face at the floor.]
It'll be like Rogue, only without any of the uh, actually cool parts.
[Just the part with no real contact with anyone for as long as this weird extra-dimensional funtime hero bullshit lasts, until he goes home. If he goes home. That's... that's physically possible. He'll probably get used to it.
What a wonderful thought. He needs the noise of the bottle against the floor right now, so he doesn't take a drink out of it.]
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You can’t do that to yourself.
[Already, the bottle is a reminder of Hank’s questionable coping mechanisms — why add one more, the literal inability to connect with anyone made manifest physically, to the list? Without thinking, Connor leans forward, elbows on his knees, knitting his fingers tightly together. His LED, at least, has returned to a stuttering blue.]
It’ll just take practice, and someone willing to help. Someone who knows what to expect, someone who isn’t— who isn’t an android.
[Unable to help, because of what he is. Because of what he would feel and the way it would take him apart. He realizes this, this useless feeling, and immediately almost regrets saying it.]
Actually, no… I can still try to help you, in what ways I can. Until then, maybe invest in gloves, Hank.
[Ironically, like Rogue.]
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What 'ways', Connor? Cause we're sure as hell not doing this again. And even if there was someone breaking down my door begging to... [He sighs.] I wouldn't get my shit all over them either. It's not right.
So. Thanks for letting me know that this this uh, a thing, but. Sometimes there's just nothing you can do. I'll make sure I don't, you know- [He reaches a hand out toward Connor for a second, wiggling his fingers.] And, unless you've got some mysterious 'ways' up your sleeve you're not telling me about, that's all we can do. That's all I can do. So there's nothing to worry about.
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[His eyes harden, his look is direct, lips pressed into a thin line.
The 180 degree turn is whiplash-inducing, but natural for Connor, who beyond everything else, only wishes to provide a use for his friend.]
I can handle it. I can do it again. It wouldn’t be permanent, only until you had a handle of your abilities. You have to practice, or else this will just be a detriment to you in the end. I don’t believe Astoria meant for any of our powers to be disadvantageous to us.
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[Oh. There it is, Connor was right. Maybe he does make comments about Connor being fucked up a lot. So he swallows back the 'is wrong with you' that wants to come out. He's still got plenty of ways to give the same general message. Like with his tone, and with his absolutely, utterly baffled look.]
-the hell?
Okay, let me think, uh- here it is, 'It was a mistake. I shouldn't have asked you to do it.' [He stretches the quote out, saying it really slowly, for emphasis.] Were you still freaking out too hard when you said that, didn't register in your memory banks? Cause that was you. Just now. What happened to 'you should find someone who's not an android'? How the hell did that turn into, 'oh, I can handle another terrible, traumatizing experience that I'm going to regret immediately'?
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I cannot make rational judgement calls in the wake of experiencing your ability. It’s like what happens to deviants, I suspect; their minds are overcome by irrational thinking due to what they believe are emotions. You should discard everything I said in the minutes after I severed the contact.
[He is stubborn, and worse, he is stubborn in a very reasoning kind of way.]
I’m fine now. [A jaw is set, and he sits straighter, forces his expression to be placid, ignores the fact that he appears like a right mess.] The recovery period isn’t even that long.
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You said feeling- the way I do fucks you up. You looked like it fucked you up. You sure sounded like it fucked you up. And you know what? I'm gonna listen to that. Call it a stupid human thing, write it off. It's not gonna happen.
[He only realizes his hands are waving around when the bottle makes a noise, and he steadies it quickly - clumsily, but quickly - to make sure it doesn't fall over. There's not much left, so it'd suck if it spilled.]
You know what you can do for me? [He shakes the bottle.] I got an arrangement with a guy. But his first batch sucked, this tastes awful. It's sweet but like, in a gross way. If you're really in this to help me, you can help him make this shit taste better. I mean, unless this is you trying to prove some kind of weird point, in which case, don't use me to test out how tough you are.
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This is for your own good, Hank. Me helping you with making your alcohol taste better will not.
[That’s as stark of a denial as it comes, as stringent as Hank’s.]
Why do you care how it affects me, anyway? [Negotiation tactic: make the other aware of what their own priorities should be.] You said it yourself — I’m a machine. And I’m made to aid humans. How is it concern, or your loss, whatever happens to my programming internally?
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You're a really advanced machine, you know? Made to look just like a human. Don't know if you noticed that. And when you- I don't know. Maybe there is nothing going on in there, inside you, and when you said 'no, this was a mistake' that was just a little bit of me, still hanging out. But- It sure looked like you were in pain. Real pain.
[Hank meets Connor's eyes, but only for a second. He's looking away before he's even gone on talking, leaning back his head and closing his eyes, grimacing at the empty dark behind them.]
Guess you can call me a sucker. Fell for the trick you're designed for. But I can't do it. I can't see you look like that again, knowing it's my fault. I just can't.
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I can’t feel pain, I’m not alive. If you know this to be true, then rationalize what you’re seeing away.
[As if it were so easy. Connor shifts uncomfortably where he sits. Registers how his shoes feel wet and squishy; he wonders if they’re ruined.]
You have a habit of being unnecessarily worried for me. Even if you don’t remember it, Lieutenant.
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That just makes me a moron, it doesn't mean I'm suddenly gonna be able to rationalize away you- [He doesn't need to go over it. They both know how he'd describe Connor's little fit earlier. When he can't stand the dark anymore he opens his eyes, taking a drink.] Look, I know what I can handle, okay? Telling me how stupid I am for not reacting like a brain in a jar isn't going to change that. I'm not like you, in case you haven't noticed. I can't just turn shit off and decide that I can deal with it.
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[His mind works differently, can handle more. Can process faster. Information darting along faux synapses, calculations that a human could only dream of achieving in the blink of an eye.
Logically, this should be easier than it is. Logically, a lot of this shouldn’t be so complicated.]
I just want you to know that I’m willing to aid you even if you think it’s at my own detriment. What’s the alternative? Are you really going to refuse to touch anyone from here on out? That isn’t healthy. And you're already in a delicate state.
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[Hank huffs to himself, the sound quiet and amused, and chews over that, sucking at his teeth.]
I'm not made of glass. I'm a big boy, I can decide whether other people's mental health is worth me being able to hold hands every once in a while. Why are you always so worried about my health anyway? I mean, I guess you kinda told me, but- I don't know. Something about it doesn't click right. Doesn't make sense.
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[A way of sidestepping reiterating himself — what he said before still stands. It only takes fancy rhetoric to make it sound like something an android should still adhere to, and Connor needs a moment for that.]
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[Hank watches his hands.]
I just, I feel like hearing it would help, uh- I don't know, it just seems to me like you'd get a lot more positives out of just walking away and forgetting I'm even stuck here with you than you do out of, you know, this. Maybe hearing it from you would help me see it, help it make more sense, why you try so hard to stick around. But uh, I guess that's kind of stupid too, isn't it? None of this makes sense, no one here, not anything about it. And none of it's going to. Don't know why I expect you to be the exception.
[He should be able to be glad about the silver lining of this whole 'I'm a brain floating in empty space' feeling, at least. It should at least be kind of convenient that being thrown around by an angry creature from the black lagoon didn't even phase him, physically. Because it didn't. He can't feel a thing. Shouldn't even be tired.]
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[Don’t make him say it again, Hank. Don’t make him twist up the words like he has to portray them as something that makes sense in the context of what he is. Why did Hank have to be so disbelieving, and not accept it for what it was?]
Is it that you wish for me to repeat myself? In that case — our experiences together in the coming days, back in Detroit, accentuated our ability to work well together as a cohesive unit. That, and I believed your manner to be exponentially… friendlier towards me, as opposed to how you were when you newly arrived in the Temple.
Of course that would encourage me to want to remain in your company, and to make certain you’re doing well overall. In my mind, the parameters of our relationship are different than what you’ve yet experienced. Does that make sense to you now?
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[See this face? This is a face that does not believe. This is a face that listens to long explanations just as well as short ones, that listened to that explanation, and that found it to be a lot of words for the same kind of bullshit. The strength of his what-the-fuck gives him a little energy; maybe he does have it in him to explain, now.]
Okay, point one: Look at where we are. The first night I was here I met someone real ready to be your cohesive unit, you've got your pick of em. Point two: Friendlier?
Connor, you're driving me to drink, and I'm trying to conserve this shit. Why the hell does friendly matter to you? If point one is true - and it is - and you just really need a... a partner, I guess, you've got no one telling you here that partner's got to be me, and there are plenty of people who'd come with a whole lot more advantages attached than I do. So if that's the case and you just need a partner, how friendly I am shouldn't matter. How friendly and healthy I am, and however... whatever else it is you want out of me, it doesn't matter, not if your overall goal is just 'form a cohesive unit'. And if that's not your overall goal, why aren't you just telling me what that is?
There's something I'm missing here and I've got no idea what it could be, cause... [He sighs, looking away, lips pursed, his expression twisted up in reluctance, embarrassment.] You... what you said you felt, the first time I uh- fuck, got my feelings-cooties all over you, or whatever. I don't know what all you got out of that, but you've got to know why I can't be... objective. Like, I can't- there's some android thing I'm not getting, here, and I was kind of hoping- I was thinking you could spell it out for me.
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why is hank like this
for now let's blame the moonshine
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